Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
