it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
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