Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
