I need help removing her.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Randomize