just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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