I am in a vortex of obligation.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
