This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
