my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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