some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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