you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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