"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
