u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
