Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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