We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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