Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
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