i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
