Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
