Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
