I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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