Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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