dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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