Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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