Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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