i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
