i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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