dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
