I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
