Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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