do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
