I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
