i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
