But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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