i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
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