i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You've changed since you got that strap on
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