You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
