Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
