i permit you to call me
Soap is not a condiment
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
