dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
