when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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