I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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