apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
