If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
She's not a foreskin expert like you
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
