They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
