"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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