I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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