I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
