I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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