Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
