I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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