im six kinds of drunk right now
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
