I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
