I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
These tits shall not be calmed
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
