Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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