I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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