We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
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I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
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i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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