iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
