need another drink. this is the easiest way
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
