If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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