You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
