Me too!
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
