wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
