grandma shit on top of the toilet
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
