One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
