i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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