there's paper in my vomit.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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