I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
