Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Two words: blizzard sex
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
