and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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