im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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