Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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