Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
