She went from zero to smokin in five shots
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
