You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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