You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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