I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
