found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
