He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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