It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
